Jordan “Taikuri” Dean

“Creativity is only fueled by inspiration…” that’s what started it off for me; writing music, sketching and painting, sleight-of-hand, and acting. Some form of inspiration kicked off all these hobbies. I tried and certainly failed trying to impress people by learning these skills. This made it difficult to make long lasting friendships, and even more difficult to fuel my creativity. I began to force myself to learn and create, to figure out what gimmick I need to actually make people think, “Wow, this guy is pretty cool.” I quickly learned that I was the jealous type. I’d look around at people and see the music they’re playing, the art they were creating was way better than anything I could do. This bitter feeling eventually led me to a harsh block. I stopped practicing what I had been working on and failed to find inspiration or motivation to do anything. My headspace was overall very negative.

After college, I had a bit of inspiration to try out photography. I took a two semester course in high school and had many friends who were already very skilled in this field, so I started asking for advice about shooting and what kind of gear they use. After a while, I decided to get my hands on a mid-range camera just to get me started.

Starting out was difficult, because I was trying to get shots like the pros. I set my personal expectations incredibly high, striving for perfection, and beat myself up every time I failed. I even bought a higher end camera, thinking that would somehow yield better results.

Eventually, through some sound advice from other photographers that I look up to, I taught myself to reject the negativity I felt, and instead embrace it. This left me feeling free to do whatever I wanted. I’m able to just bring my camera where I go and shoot whatever I want. Sure, some of the results might be garbage, but who cares? Someone doesn’t like the way you shot a photo? Why does it matter? Fail on purpose. 

With that weight lifted off my shoulders, I’ve found myself able to create anything that I wanted. I still struggle, of course, but now I have a frame of mind to change my thinking whenever I’m confronted with that thought, and have fun doing it. Creativity is fueled not only by inspiration, but by passion, dedication, and failure.

 “The desire for a more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.” -Mark Manson